Stem cell research, as you know, has long been a source of contention.  On the one hand you have the scientific community and people who believe in what it could do for humanity in helping ‘fix’ brain or spinal injuries, and on the other hand you have the people who are upset about the use of human embryos in the scientific process.  To me, both very legitimate arguments and I will not take either side here today.  No, I’m more concerned this moment about what has recently transpired regarding this issue.

Apparently the good people who serve as scientists over at the Center for Regenerative Biology and Medicine in Tuebingen, Germany, have come up with an alternative for human embryos in their continued stem cell research, and that alternative is… (drumroll, please), human testicles!  That’s right, you heard me correctly - the next best solution is hanging in a sack between your legs! (or if you are of the female persuasion, between your partner’s legs…)

Now if this actually does work, I guess it’s great and all, but I have one serious question here…  Where the heck do you get the donors?!?! I mean, I have no problem donating blood and do so on a regular basis, but that stuff regenerates itself, you know?!  As far as I have so far surmised, testicles do not!  And I have to be honest with you, I’ve grown quite attached to my boys down there!  I’m not sure I’d know how to act without them, or if I would even have a sense of identity anymore.  I’d have to change how I walk and run and everything.  Might make me faster tho. Hmmm

So where do they find the guys that are willing to donate?  Do they pay for them, because you’ve got to be pretty hard up in order to let go of two-thirds of your manhood.  I know these are tough economic times and all, but come on!!!  And if they do pay for them, do they pay by the ounce?  If so, the guys in AC/DC would do quite well…  I guess another source would be men who want a sex change since they need to lop those things off anyway, but that must only cover a very small percentage, at least I think so, but what do I know?

Remember the urban legend about how there were people being abducted, and they’d wake up in a tub full of ice with their kidneys removed to be sold on the black market?  You will now hear about the same thing, except instead of kidneys it will be testicles.  So be careful who you talk to in the hotel lounge on those business trips, boys.  When that attractive, intelligent lady tells you she wants to get her hands on your junk, she’s not kidding!  Steer clear!

On the other side of all this is the fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you look at it) guy or gal who is the recipient of said rejuvenating surgery.  I mean, its great that you have a new brain and all, but dude, part of it is made out of some poor chap’s balls!  Good luck with that!

No, I’m not ready to be a eunuch just yet.  I think I’ll try to hang onto my complete unit as long as I can…